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Reframe: The Power of Self Talk

by Sierra Sparks, MFT on 05/09/19

Originally posted 03/19/2019

"Hindsight is 20/20"..."Perception is Everything"..."The glass half full, or half empty"... Sound familiar?
Lately in my Reflections I've pondered this idea of mentally reframing the things that Life throws at us. "Seeing good in bad" if you will. After all, there's the potential for a lot of "drama" in one's life...well, that is IF One so chooses to see it as drama. We can CHOOSE to see it differently. So much of how we operate and respond to things in our feelings and thoughts is based around Choice. And Choice manifests in every reaction that comes out of us, every way we view the things that happen in our lives, our day to day interactions, and beyond. Self Talk is perhaps the most personal of Choices. The things we say to ourselves, internally, say a lot about our self image, expectations of others, and our ability to function when conflict arises. 
A particular feature I offer to you, Gentle Reader, is the use of the three dots. You read that correctly. Three dots.  "..." leaves room for extension, expansion, and possibility. Dot dot dot is a simple addition to any negative self talk you may be struggling with. 
An example: "I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know my purpose in this life."
This type of self talk can be very limited in scope, and very inconclusive. It begs for expansion, elaboration, and innovation. Self talk can be countered by simply adding the 3 dots. See here:
"I don't know what I want to do with my life...and yet, I can create a future version of myself that I aspire to be. I'll take small steps to get me there eventually. Day at a time..."
You see, there's always a "yet", a "but", a "...then again..." to be added into our negative thoughts. Life is never just Black or White, never just bleak or just amazing; it demands we experience both the Good AND the Difficult. Let your negative self talk reflect that. Reframe your perception. CHOOSE to think more about the POSSIBILITIES.
An example: "This is such a crappy situation I'm in...Yet I choose to focus on what's going well for me."  

An alternative take on self talk lies in Positive Affirmations. These are simple statements we say to ourselves, much like Mantras, to remind us that we're doing something right, or , if nothing else, that we are still here for a reason. 
"Baby steps"
"My story is not yet complete" 
"People value my hard work" 
"I knew love at some point in my life, and I am grateful for it" 
"I can find something to be grateful for" 
"I still have hope that things will turn around" 
All of these are positive affirmations. We tell these to ourselves to keep our minds and spirits lifted. It's important to infuse your Self Talk with ideas like these.

And Remember, Gentle Readers. If you don't know, you can create. 
Peace, Love, and Tranquility.
Sierra Therapy Center 

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